


help me (i'm in here)

by Tobiko



Category: Power Rangers (2017)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Kim is confronting her self-hatred issues, Slow Burn, The boys are protective and love both of them so so much, Trini wants to help but is also awkward and in love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-07-04
Packaged: 2018-11-03 13:34:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 15,942
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10968291
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tobiko/pseuds/Tobiko
Summary: Briefly depowered, Kim is confronted by Amanda and the cheer squad. Kim is hurt, but worse is the return of her self-hatred for the mistakes she has made. Her ranger family are desperate to help, especially a love-sick Trini. But how can they fight an enemy that lives inside of the Pink Ranger's mind?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I love angst too much. Trust me, I always go for the hurt and end with the happy ending, but give it a little bit of time. Pink Lemonade forever. Also please, I welcome feedback. I need to get a copy of this movie to watch ten million times so I can get the characters voices down.

Rita successfully continued attacking Angel Grove from the moon, though for the most part her plans weren’t nearly as lethal to the Power Rangers as her first had been. Nobody _died_ , which was the high bar that had been set from their first encounter. Rita sent down Putties and monsters, and the Rangers fought each and every threat thrown their way and, for the most part, came out on top.

And then Rita sent down a monster that fucked with their coins, temporarily relieving Jason, Kim, and Trini of their powers. Zordon assured them that it wasn’t forever and with the help of Alpha it would be an even faster process to get their powers up and running again. Luckily, Billy and Zack managed to dodge that attack that hit the other three and it had only been a one-shot attack, leaving them safe to continue the fight. It was dangerous, but it was all they could do for the time being.

Losing her powers had been a blow for Kim, who’d been the Ranger struggling most with her right to these powers, to being a superhero. Kim still doubted she deserved to be given this responsibility considering who she’d been and who she could potentially be again if she wasn’t careful. Losing her strength, her connection to the grid, it felt like someone had taken her confidence and faith in herself. She felt adrift, and it didn’t help that every time she instinctually reached for her powers, for the grid, it wasn’t there to grab onto.

Despite this being the _best_ time to surround herself with her friends, she found herself withdrawing, subconsciously fearing that the only reason they _liked_ her was their connection to the grid. She wanted to avoid the rejection if it came, hunker down and fly solo for the couple days it took to reboot the coins. She saw the disappointment and confusion in the Rangers faces as she pulled away, but she assured them she was just spooked at the loss of her powers and needed some space. 

Her friends, the angels that they were, all gave it to her. 

God, she didn’t deserve them.

The second day sans powers had Kimberly hiding in an alcove of the school, working on homework with headphones in her ears. Alpha had sent them all a message to come down to the mine after school because he was pretty sure he’d be done by then, and for the first time in 24 hours Kimberly was feeling less unmoored. Thirty more minutes and then she’d be tearing out of school towards the ship, towards home, to (hopefully) get her powers back.

She saw people approaching out of the corner of her eye and looked up from her homework only for her heart to sink when she realized it was nearly the entire cheer squad, seven or eight strong, heading towards the gym. Probably got slips to let them out early from school to get practice in for competition.

Kimberly got up quickly to try to skirt around them but Amanda saw her, nodded at a few of her cronies and they jogged forward to block her retreat. Kimberly sighed, working her jaw to try to remind herself not to say or do anything dumb.

“Well well, Kimmy, haven’t seen you alone in a while. Where’s your ragtag team of misfits and losers?”

“They aren’t-“ Kimberly started, quick to defend her friends, but she clenched her hands into fists and took a breath. “What do you want, Amanda? I was just leaving.”

“You know, Kim, it really _irks_ me that you’ve got this whole new group of friends and you pretend that you’re above us. Above everyone at this school,” Amanda snapped. “ _You’re_ the traitorous bitch here, not me, and yet you pretend you’ve _evolved_ somehow, making friends with the weird kids like you’re Mother fucking Theresa. You’re _not_.”

“I never said I was,” Kim said, a gnawing in her chest making her guilt climb. “They’re my friends because they like me.”

“Oh, they like you?” Rebecca piped up. “And you think you deserve that?”

Kimberly looked down. She didn’t know what to say for a second. “They-… they make me a better person.”

Amanda’s face darkened. She held up her hand when another cheerleader, someone in the back that she couldn’t see, started to say something. Immediately there was a hush. Amanda’s eyes were lethal when she spoke. “They make you better. Better than you were with us?”

Kim knew under that anger there was _hurt_. They had been friends once, and she had been the one to ruin it, not them. They weren’t always nice, but they weren’t _bad_ people. Kim could remember sleepovers, trips to the mall, hell, way back in middle school things like soccer games and volleyball. Amanda comforting her when she’d had a breakup, Rebecca and Sarah driving her to her DMV appointment and throwing their hands up and giving her big hugs when she got her license. Little things, big things, all things _she’d_ lost because of one moment of vindictiveness and weeks of denial.

“I don’t know what to say, Amanda. I lost perspective, but with them-“

“Oh _fuck off_ with this “they’ve saved me from a life of shallowness and pettiness”. Deep down, you’re still the same bitch who fucked with your friends because you could, and you’re gonna wind up doing the same to them. Perspective? Remember who was the one who fucking betrayed who.”

Kimberly felt her throat close up and she shook her head. Amanda wasn’t wrong. “I don’t know what to say,” she repeated.

“You could start with _sorry_ ,” Amanda shrieked, her entire face contorted with rage and frustration.

Kimberly froze up. She hadn’t said it, she still hadn’t, because somehow that scared her more than almost anything else.

She could. She _should_. God, it was so long overdue.

“I’m sor-“

Amanda shoved her, face livid, and Kimberly reeled back, colliding into a locker.

Everyone stopped.

Kimberly breathed hard, looking up at Amanda. Amanda was looking at her in surprise, confusion.

Every kid at Angel Grove High had picked up on the fact that Kimberly and her friends were somehow more durable. Kim had heard the rumors herself, from steroids to the more accepted rumor that they all went to the gym after school every day and lifted for hours. People stopped messing with Billy after the third concussion and knew that they weren’t touchable. 

But now, Kim was.

Kimberly looked at Amanda and realized that her fear of apologizing had allowed time for the hatred in Amanda to morph, become something _more_. No longer an idea or a fact, her hatred was a _thing_ , living and breathing inside of her.

And it didn’t just live in Amanda, from the looks on other cheerleaders faces.

“Get her,” Amanda commanded.

Kimberly ran.

She managed to shove past the girls who had circled to block her. Her training in The Pit hadn’t been for nothing, and even without powers she was much stronger than she’d ever been, and that meant she was faster. She was able to put a little distance between her and her pursuers as they got their wits about them and realized she was making a break for it.

She made it down another hallway and a half when something hit her at the back of her head and shoulders, _hard_.

Kimberly fell, trying to stop herself with her hands but mostly failing as her chin hit the linoleum. Blood bloomed in her mouth and she spit so she wouldn’t swallow and gag on it. She tried to get to her feet but something landed on her back and pressed down.

“Get her face up.”

Hands grabbed her and she tried to squirm away but they held fast, flipping her over.

“Trish, Rebecca, hands. Sarah, grab her legs. Let’s not underestimate her. She’s proven to be wily and backstabbing.”

“Amanda, please- I said I was sorry, why are you doing this?” 

“To little, too late, Kimmy. That you actually had the gall to try and apologize after months, what kind of fucking sociopath _are_ you?”

Amanda stood over her, feet planted on either side of Kimberly’s waist. Kim tried to move, but pain exploded in both of her hands briefly and didn’t leave her right. Kim looked and saw that Rebecca was kneeling on her palm, face grim.

This was serious.

“You deserve this, you know,” Amanda said quietly. Amanda was smiling but there was no happiness in her eyes. “That picture of me is still going around. I can’t go a full fucking week without seeing it. Without someone coming up to me and asking me if I got that mole checked out, or if I’m an innie or an outie because they can’t tell with the lighting. Things worse than that, so much worse. Demeaning, _humiliating_ things, Kimberly. Sometimes I just want to _die_.” Amanda’s smile spread wider. “But this, this might help.” She turned to the cheerleaders all around her, grinning. “Maybe Kimmy would be willing to send out her own pictures, with a little help.”

Amanda knelt down, reaching for Kim’s top. Kim tried to buck her hips to get her off, but Amanda slammed her hands into Kim’s chest them maneuvered so that her knees were on Kim’s breastbone.

Amanda tilted her head, like she was considering, before punching her right in the face.

Kim yelled out in pain and redoubled her efforts. The cry was surprise, too, because Amanda had never been a _violent_ person. Her hatred of Kimberly was so great that she’d jumped that ledge. “Hold her tighter!” Amanda demanded and someone else grabbed her legs to help Sarah. Amanda was breathing hard as if she was the one who had just been hit.

She cried out, but wherever Kim had wound up running in the school, no one was there. Amanda just hit her and hit her, rage fueling every punch. The pain in her hand redoubled, as Rebecca ground her knee into her palm.

“Please, please stop,” she sobbed, her tears _hurting_ her face.

“Hey, get the hell off her!”

Amanda stopped and looked up and around. Even in pain, Kimberly knew that voice.

_Trini_.

“If it isn’t the little dyke.”

Kimberly wanted to protest, defend her friend, but all that passed her lips was a whimper.

“What the fuck. You’re gonna kill her!”

Kimberly couldn’t see Trini, but she heard approaching footsteps and panic gripped her. “No, stop, stay back,” she said, and it must have been more than a whisper because the footsteps paused. _Trini, you don’t have your powers either. There are so many of them. You can’t get hurt, not for me._

“What, you’re gonna take all of us?” Amanda demanded. She stood, her weight leaving Kimberly’s chest, and Kim took in a long breath.

“If I have to.”

“No,” Kimberly said again. Amanda looked down at her, the manic smile gone, replaced with a scowl.

“If only you’d been so protective of _us_ ,” Amanda hissed.

“Kim, I’m not leaving you.”

Kimberly closed her eyes.

“Do you know what she did?!” Amanda demanded.

Trini was silent and Kim wondered if she was nodding. “But she doesn’t deserve this. This is fucking crazy.”

“She _ruined_ my life!” Amanda yelled, and her voice actually caught. Kimberly could picture tears in her eyes and she felt the yawning abyss of self hatred in her chest expand. "She deserves this!"

_She’s right_. 

“Fuck no, she doesn’t.”

_She’s right, Trini, she’s right._

Amanda glared, and then she looked at a cheerleader who was standing off to the side. “If she gets any closer, stop her.”

Kimberly shook her head, fear branching out of that abyss in her. “Please, Amanda, don’t, she didn’t-“

Amanda kicked her in the side and Kimberly yelped.

Trini was approaching again, even without the grid Kim could _feel_ her, and another pair of footsteps joined hers. The other cheerleader. Ready to intercept her.

“Hey, stop!”

_Jason_.

Everyone turned, except Kim who couldn’t lift her head.

“What the fuck is going on?” _Zack_.

“Kimberly??” _Billy_. 

Two of the three of them, powered. Trini wasn’t in danger anymore. The fear receded for the first time since she’d heard Trini’s voice.

Amanda cut her losses. “Let’s go,” she said to her squad, and the girls ran. 

Trini reached Kimberly first. “Fuck. Oh fuck,” she said, trying to get her to sit up and failing. When she grabbed Kim’s right hand to try to help her Kimberly cried out and Trini let go.

Trini’s face was taut with worry and Kim looked away. _I ruined Amanda’s life. Stop looking at me like that_.

“I got her,” Zack said, stepping forward. Trini looked upset that she couldn’t do anything, but Zack lifted her up and cradled her to his chest as easily as if she were a baby. 

“Let’s get her to the ship. If our power coins are working again, maybe a morph will heal her,” Jason said.

Kimberly couldn’t bear to look any of them in the eye, choosing to bury her face against Zack’s chest instead.

They all four piled into Jason’s refurbished truck, Jason and Billy in the cabin with Zack, Trini, and Kimberly all riding in the bed. It had become an easy way for them to ride around, and none of them had worried about falling out of the bed and what damage it might do because of their powers. But Kimberly felt fragile, she hurt from her waist up, and every jostle and bump compounded on the pain. She bit her lip to stop any cries of agony, hiding it. She didn’t want to inconvenience them anymore than she already had.

_You deserve this, you know._

Getting into the ship was tricky. The jump into the ravine wasn’t nearly so harmless to three depowered kids, especially when one of them was injured. Zack used one hand and his feet to rock climb down the cliff side, still holding Kimberly against him though not as gently as he had been. Billy did similar with Trini and Jason, though both of them rode piggyback on Billy’s back as he scaled down the wall.

When they dropped into the water Kimberly couldn’t suppress the scream of pain as her bruised body hit the ice cold water. Jason was already in the water and he rushed to swim to her, demanding to know what had happened, what was wrong. From up high on the cliff, still climbing down, Kimberly heard Trini’s voice yelling, “What is it, what’s happening?”

“I’m-“ Kimberly managed before her jaw locked shut with pain and cold. She saw Zack and Jason exchange a look before Zack said, “Hold your breath,” and dove.

Kimberly clutched onto Zack with all of her strength, the pain overwhelming fully submerged. Her whole head _throbbed_ with it. Her hurt hand spasmed and almost let go before it, too, locked up, clutched to Zack’s shirt.

They fell out into the cave and Zack was practiced enough that he landed on his feet, tossing Kimberly up for a fraction of a second so he could land hard and then catch her as softly as possible. Since he only tossed her a few inches from him it wasn’t a horrible shift, but she did end up yanking his t-shirt up from where her hand refused to let go.

Shortly after they’d landed, Billy, Trini, and Jason all did as well, Billy doing his best to make the landing as easy as possible for the unpowered two. It wasn’t entirely successful, Jason colliding face first with the rock wall and Trini’s legs buckling from under her. Both were okay though, except for a cut that split Jason’s eyebrow, and since none of the three had died it was pretty successful, all considering.

Zack carried Kimberly all the way to the ship, despite the fact that the part of Kim that hurt least was her legs. Kimberly didn’t protest, couldn’t really since her jaw was still locked up and she was shivering so badly that it was actually affecting Zack’s hold on her.

“Zordon!” Jason yelled out before they’d actually gotten to the control room. “Zordon!”

“Yes, I’m here Jason, what’s wrong?”

“Kim’s hurt!”

“Oh no, Putties?” Alpha asked, waddling over to them as they finally all entered the room. 

“No. Some- some girls at school,” Jason stumbled. 

Alpha took one look at Kimberly and murmured, “Ay yai yai…”

She must look pretty bad.

“Get her on her platform and the rest of you go to yours. Alpha thinks he’s reactivated the dormant coins, he just needs Zack and Billy to morph to kick start them. If we can successfully activate the coins, a morph should take care of much of the damage done to Kimberly.”

“Much?” Trini asked, stepping forward. She frowned. “Not all?”

“When you were in the train accident, the coins took an entire day to fix the damage done and kept you unconscious for over 24 hours, and that was when you _became_ Rangers, which is always a most powerful change. Do not worry, Trini, Kim should be healed in a matter of days.”

“Not that I’m not thrilled by that,” Billy said from his place at the grid, twisting his hands together nervously. “But how do we explain that at school? Not many people saw her, it’s true, but the ones who hurt her, the cheerleaders, they know what she looked like when they left her. How do we explain instant healing?”

“That is a problem,” Zordon admitted. “Perhaps Kim can stay home for a few days and when she returns use the excuse of an earth hospital.”

“Yeah but even that-“

“Those girls ain’t smart,” Zack said, his voice making his chest rumble against Kim’s cheek. “They’ll accept a trip to the hospital as an explanation.”

“Please place Kim on her platform.”

Zack placed her down as gently as he could. She stood on shaky legs and stared down at the glowing white disk under her feet, still having trouble looking at anyone.

“Morph, Zack, Billy.” Zordon’s commanding voice rang out.

The boys morphed and there was a spark of life in the grid. Kimberly finally noticed that her coin was placed in front of her, right at the edge of the grid. Alpha had kept her coin, without its powers it hasn’t returned to her side. Now it started to vibrate and flicker pink. It started to levitate like it had the first day they’d had them and then sprang towards her. She felt her strength returning, and her reflexes would have reached out to catch the coin if she wasn’t still in pain, and she saw Trini and Jason snatch theirs out of the air. Kimberly’s clattered to the floor right next to her. She bent down and picked it up with her left hand.

Even though she hadn’t morphed, she felt the edge of the pain fade, the throbbing of her head a dull ache, her jaw unlocking. She flexed her hand and winced. Still hurt like a bitch. She licked her lip. Where her bottom lip had split it had closed up about halfway.

Something like thirty percent of the pain was gone, but that was enough that she leaned forward and let out a sigh of relief. It had gone from unbearable to extremely uncomfortable.

“Kim, are you okay?” Trini asked.

Her eyes flicked up to see Trini nearly on the edge of her platform, peering at her.

“…better,” she said. She tried to smile but couldn’t hold it.

Trini still looked worried but she gave a nod.

“Now, Rangers, morph. That should heal Kimberly up to 80 percent with the energy it creates.”

Everyone nodded. Jason morphed first. Trini gave Kimberly a smile before morphing herself.

Kim looked at her power gem and focused. Focused.

She stood there for a minute. Nothing. The hum of her power coin in her hand, like it was alive, but nothing more.

“Kimberly, what’s going on?”

“I- I can’t… nothing’s happening.”

Trini demorphed and ran around to Kim’s platform, stopping herself from actually stepping on it and standing there, concerned, uncertain.

The other three demorphed gathered behind Trini, all their faces mixtures of confusion and worry.

Kimberly looked down at her coin.

_I’m not worthy of being a Ranger_.


	2. Chapter 2

“Kim.”

Jason’s voice had an edge of command to it, the voice he got when he was in full leader mode. She looked up at him. His face was grim, serious. “Whatever you’re thinking right now, you’re wrong. Just open yourself up to us. You’ll morph.”

Kim stared at him. He knew her too well, probably knew exactly what she’d been thinking.

But he had been wrong before.

Trini opened her mouth, looking very much like she wanted to say something, but her mouth closed after a few seconds, a troubled look in her eyes.

“What can we do? How can we help?” Billy asked Zordon.

“This is concerning,” Zordon mused, looking at Kim. “After connecting to the grid and morphing for the first time, the process should be instinct, as easy as clenching your fist. I’ve never encountered this problem before. Perhaps if I look through the databanks I might be able to offer some insight.”

Kimberly looked at her injured hand and tried to clench it but couldn’t manage to. She knew that Zordon had been speaking symbolically, of course, but her injured hand felt symbolic, too.

“However, Kimberly is still very much connected to the grid, even if it’s not a full connection. The coin is hers, the power is hers, which means that she is still the Pink Ranger despite her current inability to morph. That’s promising. It means there is a solution." 

“That’s great and all, but she’s still fucking hurt. If she can’t morph, is she supposed to just suffer?” Trini demanded.

“Kim’s tough, even without a morph fix she’ll be okay,” Zack said, giving Kimberly a reassuring smile.

“Even without a boost to her healing from a morph, she still has a ranger’s healing capabilities,” Billy mused. “She’ll heal fast." 

“Not good enough,” Trini snapped. Kim would have raised an eyebrow at Trini’s anger if she wasn’t feeling so numb.

“We have a medical bay in the ship,” Alpha offered. Five heads turned his way. Alpha shrugged. “We haven’t had occasion to use it, really. The worst injury any of you ever sustained was, well, death, which isn’t something we could have treated there anyway. It hasn’t been used in 65 million years and I don’t think I’ve personally been in there for a few thousand, but I can probably scrape together something for Kimberly.”

“And you didn’t mention this first thing?” Jason asked. Kim didn’t miss how he discreetly put out a hand, signaling Trini to stand down. Kim didn’t know why Trini seemed to be getting more agitated rather than less.

“A morph would have been a more effective solution,” Zordon said. “We were not actively trying to prevent healing, Jason, and I’d appreciate it if you all didn’t fly off the handle. I recognize you’re worried about Kimberly, stressed, angry, but Alpha and I are here to help you.”

“Let’s go,” Trini said, marching forward and taking Kimberly’s hand. Kimberly hadn’t spoken, hadn’t moved, since her failed morph. When Trini grabbed her hand she almost pulled her hand away.

Alpha motioned for them to follow and Kim let Trini tug her along.

“You don’t have to make such a fuss,” Kim muttered. When Trini turned around to look at her she tried to crack a grin.

“Don’t be stupid.”

Despite Kimberly being the only one that needed medical attention, all five rangers trooped after Alpha. Kimberly knew it was probably just because they were all curious, but once they got to the medical bay only Billy wandered off to look at things. Jason, Trini, and Zack formed a semicircle around her as she sat at what seemed like a futuristic medical exam table and waited for Alpha to get what he needed.

Zack tried to crack a joke, make her smile, and Kim gave him the smile he was looking for even if it wasn’t quite genuine. Jason asked her a few questions about what had happened, but when she was less than forthcoming he stopped and joined Zack in trying to cheer her up. Trini was silent, looking at Kimberly’s injuries and scowling deeply.

“Okay, I think I got the scanner operational. Kim, lie down on the table would ya? Let’s see what we’ve got.”

Kim swung her legs up on the table and lay down, holding still as a blue beam of light ran up and down her body. Billy, who had been examining some dusty bottles on the wall, walked over and watched the process and then went over to a wall where Alpha was standing and watched as images started to display. They were, as far as Kim could tell, essentially x-rays. But then Alpha clicked on one and it zoomed in, showing her veins, the blood pumping through them in time with the heartbeat in her chest. He started examining them faster than she could process. Finally, satisfied, he put all the images back to how they had been.

“Good news is, you’re essentially fine. Bad bruising. No breaks, no internal bleeding. Some hairline fractures in your hand, that seems to be the worst of it. Looks like pressure fracturing.”

“Makes sense,” Kimberly said dryly. Her friends looked at her in surprise, but she really wasn’t interested in explanations of her injuries, she just wanted to know if Alpha was going to do anything or not so she could go home. 

“If I left everything, chances are good you’d been fine and nothing would happen to aggravate your injuries. But just in case I’m going to treat your hand a little.” Alpha pulled out a cylindrical metal object, about as tall as he was, and after some fiddling it contracted so that it was small as his head. “Put your hand through here.”

Kimberly did and it locked around her wrist.

“Try to relax your hand. This might feel strange.”

Suddenly it felt like her bones were vibrating. Kim yelped as the pain returned, doubling, tripling, then suddenly disappearing. In the few moments it had been happening, sweat had beaded on her forehead from the extreme pain of it. “Strange?!” She asked. “That fucking _hurt_.”

“What, what’d he do?” Trini asked, grabbing for the machine to try to pull it off her hand.

“Trini,” Jason said.

“Explanations would be nice,” Billy said, eying Trini with some confusion. 

“I apologize, Kimberly. I didn’t know it would hurt. It’s been millennia since I’ve used that, and last I remember when I used it on Rangers they didn’t say anything about it hurting.”

“Probably because Rangers are masochistic assholes, if Zordon’s anything to go by,” Kimberly growled.

All of her friends turned to stare at her. She looked down at her lap.

“Damn, Kim,” Zack said.

“How are you feeling?” Jason asked. It irritated Kimberly how layered a question it was.

“Pretty much the same.”

“The machine accelerated the healing of the fracturing so that your hand doesn’t run the risk of being broken by a blow, but I’m afraid that it’s focused on the bones and not the nerves or bruising. I have some other equipment for that, we can put you in the upright Rejuvenator-“

“No, that’s fine,” Kimberly said. She flexed her hand. It hurt, but she did it again. “So long as it won’t break." 

“Uh, Kim, I’m sure it’s no trouble,” Billy said.

“I’m cool. I just wanna get home.”

It was not a statement any of them had been expecting. Kimberly had never expressed an interest in “getting home”. She didn’t talk about her parents with the same frustration as Trini, she didn’t talk about them at all really, but they did know that her parents argued a lot. Perpetually close to divorce, as she’d put it once. The only thing that really kept them together was _appearances_ , because the Harts wanted everyone to know they were a perfect family. Perfect house, perfectly manicured lawn, perfect marriage, perfect daughter.

Kimberly spent a lot of the time out of the house, and she had not been a stranger to nights at the mine even before they’d gotten their powers.

To hear her say “I want to go home” was more alarming than if she’d said, “I want to go to Krispy Kreme and have coffee with Rita”.

“You don’t have to go,” Jason said gently, dropping the leader tone.

“We can have another bonfire,” Zack offered.

“I have marshmallows! I brought them and had Alpha store them in the ship, just in case,” Billy added.

“We’re here,” Trini said quietly. Kimberly looked at Trini and felt self-hatred rear its head and roar in her gut.

“It’s fine. I’m just going to go home.”

Kim walked out as fast as she could. It wasn’t at a run, exactly, but with her ranger strength back it wasn’t slow. She was out of the cave and in the cool afternoon air within minutes.

It took her an embarrassing amount of time to notice that she was being followed. She was most of the way home, when she turned and caught a glimpse of a yellow beanie. Rolling her eyes, Kim called out, “What are you doing?”

Knowing she’d been caught, Trini stepped out, hands in her pockets. “You got hurt.”

“Yeah, I was there.”

“I was just making sure you got home okay.”

“Clearly I’m not having difficulty.”

Trini nodded, but she didn’t budge.

Kim sighed. “Do you want to walk me the rest of the way?”

Trini didn’t verbally reply but jogged to catch up with Kimberly. She looked back. “The boys aren’t far behind either, you know.”

Kimberly rose an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

Trini snorted. “Did you really think any of us would let you walk off alone and hurt?”

Kimberly didn’t know what to say to that.

Kimberly and Trini walked in silence. Usually Kim would fill the silence and coax conversation out of Trini because the shorter girl wasn’t much of a talker. Kimberly didn’t feel much like talking. A part of Kim whispered that Trini wasn’t talking to her because Kim had bullied conversation out of her before and Trini didn’t really want to start up a conversation, but the part of Kim that knew Trini knew that she was comfortable in the silence.

Very slowly, very carefully, Trini walked closer and closer to Kim, until at last she bumped Kim’s shoulder with her own. When Kim looked down at her, Trini looked up and gave her a small smile.

That, more than words, made Kim’s heart feel less heavy.

Tears sprung into her eyes and she looked away.

“The grid doesn’t want me anymore.”

“That’s not true, Kim.” 

“It is. I can’t morph. You’re supposed to be a _good_ person to be a ranger. It’s finally rejecting me.”

“No, that can’t be what’s happening. It’s just some fucked up alien glitch. It isn’t your fault.”

“Yes it is!” Kim exclaimed, clenching her hands hard enough that her right hand started to throb painfully. She looked at Trini, tears starting to fall. “I was the reason we couldn’t morph the first time! I’ve never been the person who should be the Pink Ranger! I don’t deserve it!”

Trini put her hands on Kimberly’s shoulders, shaking her head. Kimberly started to pull away but Trini stepped closer and Kim stopped, her whole face crumpling, her body sagging forward into Trini’s tiny frame as Trini wrapped her arms around Kim and held on. Kim sobbed into Trini’s shoulder, clutching her injured hand to her chest.

“That’s not true. You are the Pink Ranger, Kim. You’re not a bad person.”

Kim loved Trini for thinking so much of her, but she knew it wasn’t true. She had only ever taken responsibility for her shit when her own selfishness and denial had put the whole _world_ in danger, when her inability to help them morph had gotten Billy _killed_. She was the weak link in the Rangers, not Trini, and she knew that if Rita had broken into her bedroom at night, beaten and threatened her, that she would have taken the deal. She would have been the coward. 

Kimberly stood with heroes, and she was the biggest fraud in the world. 

“Trini? Kim?”

The sound of running footsteps heralded the boys’ arrival on the scene.

“We’re okay,” Trini said. “Or we’re working on it, anyway. Could I ask you guys a favor?”

“Yeah, anything,” Jason said quickly.

“Donut run?”

Kimberly pulled away from Trini a little, but Trini didn’t let go of her and Kim almost smiled. Donuts were a tradition, now, the joke of course being that Krispy Kreme was the most important thing in the whole world. Trini was asking the boys for some space while also giving them a way to help.

Zack was the first one to take off, so fast that he accidentally launched himself ten feet in the air as he turned. Zack, being Zack, took the opportunity to do an aerial trick and give the girls a thumbs up. Billy followed, staying on the ground. 

Jason looked at Kimberly as if to double check, and when Kim gave him a nod he turned and went after the other two.

Trini turned to Kim. “Come on, your roof?”

Trini held out her hand and Kim put hers in it. Trini’s grip was feather light, careful not to hurt her.

The girls went around the back of Kimberly’s house and jumped up to the roof. It was a customary place for the girls to hang out and relax and look at the stars after a long day’s training. They’d stopped holding hands to jump up, but almost as soon as they were settled Trini reached out and laced her fingers through Kimberly’s, like it was natural, like they held hands all the time. Kimberly was the one to initiate physical contact, always, and Trini suddenly reaching out to Kimberly was jarring.

It felt good, but almost made Kimberly sad, that something that made Kim happy had resulted from something so awful. 

There was silence for a while and Trini began to run her thumb across the back of Kim’s hand, humming a little under her breath. Kim closed her eyes.

“I was scared of being a Ranger.”

Kimberly opened her eyes and turned her head to look at Trini, who was staring up at the sky.

“I knew I was a fuck up. Being told that I had to save the world? Well, fuck, I was gonna screw that up. I was going to fail. I knew it. And it was crushing, knowing that it would be my fault.” 

Kimberly listened with rapt attention. She knew that feeling, had shared that feeling and hadn’t even known that was how Trini had felt, too.

“You made me feel like maybe we could do it.” 

“What? Me?” Kimberly asked, eyes wide.

“Yeah.” 

“How? Why?”

Trini looked at Kimberly. “Every practice, every step of the way, you were there. Checkin’ up on me. Pushing me forward. At first I was kind of pissed, because you didn’t even know my name and we’d had classes together for a year and suddenly you were acting like you knew me. But you weren’t trying to trick me or anything, and you really did care about if I was doing okay. The boys are great, but it’s like you were my first friend in Angel Grove, and you’re still- you know. My best friend.” 

Kimberly wasn’t sure, but it almost looked as if Trini was blushing.

“So even though I was scared that I’d fuck everything up, when Rita came and attacked me I thought of you. All of you, but you’re the one who helped me open up, Kim. I was able to stand up to Rita because I knew you’d have my back, that I had friends that I would do anything for." 

“You would have rejected Rita even if I hadn’t been your friend.”

“Maybe… but I don’t know. Before you guys, I had nothing to hold on to. I was just-… alone, and frustrated, and fed up. I think, sometimes, that maybe what Rita offered me might have appealed to me, before you.”

“You’re not giving yourself enough credit.”

“And neither are you.”

Kimberly looked away. “That’s different.”

“No it isn’t. You made a mistake, Kim. We all do!”

“I ruined a girl’s _life_!”

Trini sighed. “Look, what you did was awful. But Kim… _you_ aren’t awful. And you’ve done so much to fix it-“

“But I haven’t! I haven’t Trini! I didn’t even apologize until today! I was so fucking scared, so horrified at what I’d done, I didn’t even do anything to try to fix it!”

Trini was silent. Kim felt tears starting to fall down the sides of her face and into her ears and hair. “I fucked up, Trini. It’s not something I can take back, and I didn’t even try to. I just- I just hid from it. Dove into the Power Rangers duties to ignore it. Amanda is right, Trini. She’s _right_. I deserved what happened today.”

“No,” Trini replied, voice hard. “No way. You should have apologized. But you didn’t deserve to be beaten up. Kim, Jesus, you didn’t see-“

Trini’s voice cracked and that was enough for Kim to look over at her in alarm. Trini’s own eyes were bright with tears and she had covered her mouth with a hand.

“Trini…”

Trini sat up and curled around her knees. Kim slowly sat up, confused.

“… god, Kim, they had you pinned and you were sobbing and I couldn’t even do anything, I couldn’t fucking help, and I would have done anything to make them fucking stop hurting you-“

“Trini, Trini stop,” Kim said, shocked beyond belief that her smaller friend was shaking so hard. She disentangled her hand from Trini’s and wrapped her arm around Trini’s shoulders. “You helped, you stopped them.”

Trini looked at Kimberly, face blotchy while she tried to stop herself from crying. Kim took in a sharp breath. “I was so fucking scared.”

“… me too.”

Trini leaned against Kim and Kimberly closed her eyes.

Maybe _she_ had deserved getting her ass beat, but _Trini_ hadn’t deserved seeing her friend suffer and feeling helpless. For now, Kim could accept that. 

The boys showed up shortly after with two dozen donuts. Billy eagerly held out a donut with pink frosting for Kim to see, grinning ear to ear, before he noticed the state of his girl friends. “You’ve both been crying? Are you okay, you look terrible." 

“Dude, you don’t tell a girl they look terrible,” Zack said, hopping up beside Kim. “You do look terrible though. Not as much as before, but still.”

“Asshole!” Trini snapped and Kimberly laughed as Trini launched herself over Kim’s lap to try to sock him. She grabbed Trini around the waist and pulled her back, grinning as Trini stopped but didn’t quite move all the way off her.

For a while, everything felt right again. Kim devoured three donuts and the sugar rush almost made her giddy, and her friend sat around her in a protective cocoon. They talked and laughed, and when Jason took the yellow frosted donut Trini pouted so mightily that Billy offered her his blue, which resulted in a shuffling of colors that ended with the yellow donut landing in Kim’s lap. Zack started to make a dirty joke and Trini tackled him off the roof. Kim and Jason collapsed with laughter as Billy leaned over the edge of the roof, yelling if they were alright over the sounds of an animated scuffle.

Trini and Zack eventually found themselves back on the roof and Trini leaned into Kim protectively, making Kim smile bright and big.

“Um, Kim?” Billy started, and he looked so anxious Kimberly’s first instinct was to reach out and give him a comforting pat.

“Yeah, Billy?”

“You, um… when you sent that picture-“

“Billy!” Trini interrupted him. Billy ducked his head almost shamefully and the smile that had finally found its way back to Kim’s face faded.

“We don’t have to talk about-“ Jason began, but Kim shook her head.

“Don’t get mad at him. Billy, what did you want to say?”

Billy fidgeted with his fingers, looking nervously from Kim to Jason to a furious looking Trini.

“Um. Um… you didn’t send it to anyone but Ty, right? And- and Ty… he’s dating Amanda now and- and I don’t think she’d do that if he’d sent it to anyone else so- um- how did the picture get spread around like it did?”

Kim tried to keep her face neutral, but the question hurt, even with Billy phrasing it as if he knew she hadn’t. “I only sent it to Ty,” she said hoarsely, looking down at her hands.

“I thought so! See, I did think that, but I was very confused on the whole matter, and-“

“It didn’t start making the rounds through the whole school til after we became Rangers, you know,” Zack said with a shrug. “I didn’t even know about it til you told us, Kim, and then like a month later it popped up in a text." 

Kim felt her entire body heat up with shame.

“Does it matter?” Trini demanded fiercely.

“Well, maybe? Because it might not be all Kim’s fault, that it went so far. She shouldn’t have done it in the first place, it’s actually a crime in some states-“

“BILLY!”

“Right, no, sorry, I just- Um… Kim feels bad about it, right? Not just the part where she sent it to Ty, but the part where it still pops up around school sometimes? But what if she should feel bad about the first part but not the second? I’m just… trying to help.”

“I appreciate it, Billy,” Kim said quietly, though she wasn’t really sure she did.

“Sorry,” Billy said again.

The conversation lulled for a bit after that, but after Zack succeeded in doing a kickflip off the roof and landing squarely in the Hart’s rosebushes, the mood picked up considerably again, though for Kim it never quite went back. Eventually she lay down on her roof and looked at the stars as they came out. Trini lay down beside her, silent as always, and put her shoulder firmly against Kim's.

Kim felt her heart expand in her chest and she closed her eyes, safe in the company of her team, her family.


	3. Chapter 3

Kim didn’t go to school the next day. She hid under her sheets when her mom came to check on her and see why she hadn’t already come downstairs for breakfast and told her mom she felt like she had the stomach flu. Her mom fussed and asked if she needed anything, and Kim had a moment of brief happiness at the reminder that her mom did actually love her very much, but she was able to get her mom to leave after a few minutes and assured her mom she’d be fine and sleep it off.

After both of her parents had left for work, Kim went to the bathroom to check herself over in the mirror. One night’s sleep had already helped, and though she was pretty sure she’d have bruising tomorrow at school it would probably be gone by the day after.

She sent a message to the Rangers group text to tell them she was feeling better already, and quickly got messages back from every other ranger. She then spent the morning on her roof, trying to recapture the feeling from the night before. It didn’t work, didn’t even come a fraction close to the feeling of contentment to be there with her friends.

It was uncomfortable, unbearable to be alone with her thoughts, so she headed toward the mine and was halfway there before she remembered she couldn’t just go and train and banish her thoughts that way. She couldn’t morph. Without armor, training would be awful.

Kim hadn’t been back to the lake where she’d met Jason since that fateful night, but on instinct when she realized she couldn’t go to the ship her feet carried her there, and she found herself sitting on the edge of the cliff with her feet dangling above the water. So much of her life had changed since she’d last been here. She’d helped save the world, she was a ranger, she had a group of friends she would literally die for.

And yet here she was, again, hating herself, again, feeling trapped by who she was and who she had been. Wanting to jump off a cliff and feel the second of flying, not shackled to the small world of Angel Grove.

She clenched her fist and it ached.

Kim couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt comfortable with being alone by herself. As far back as elementary school she’d surrounded herself with friends and she’d always been busy with gymnastics, soccer, volleyball, swimming. When she’d get home she’d hop onto the computer, check her phone. She always had someone inches away, whether digitally or physically.

She’d started coming to the mine to get away from the fighting and it had been her first taste of just herself in years. And she hadn’t liked it. She kept coming, partly to continue to get away and partly to figure out if she could _like_ herself, at all.

For a few weeks after betraying Amanda she’d gotten a taste of being truly alone, and she had discovered she _hated_ herself.

Becoming a ranger had thrown her back into a world where she was never alone, and this time it was even more intense. It wasn’t as if they could reach each other’s minds or anything so dramatic, but connected to the grid she could _feel_ them. Empathy, almost, but a hundred times stronger and across distances. Kim could feel Trini like a little burst of anxiety, frustration, energy, Billy like curiosity and an openness to the world, Jason like protectiveness personified and a niggling of self doubt, Zack like impulsivity and welcomed chaos. She wondered what they felt from her.

She dreaded she knew.

Uncertainty, self-loathing, fear.

It’s what she felt now, alone.

Kim had hoped that with them, she had faced her feelings about herself and learned to be happy.

But she hadn’t. She’d buried it under layers of love from her ranger family and pretended that was enough.

God, how she had never wanted to face this.

Kim ran her hands through her hair and wished her friends were there to be that buffer. 

She stood, stripped down to her underwear and dove into the water.

.

Trini found Kim floating around in circles in the lake. Kim could see her yellow beanie as she peered down from the cliff where Kim’s clothing sat.

“Did you know this is a restricted area?”

Kim reached out a little to touch the grid with her mind, felt that spark of Trini, and smiled.

“I had heard something about that. Some tiny girl once yelled it at me from a cliff.”

“This must be déjà vu for you, then.”

Kim laughed and swam to the shore, climbing the cliff faster than she ever had as a normal human. Soon she was standing next to Trini, dripping wet in her bra and underwear. The playful banter stopped and Trini’s entire face went red as she stuck her hands in her pockets and looked away.

Kim rolled her eyes. “You’ve seen me dressed down before, Trini, what’s with the modesty act?”

“Shut up.”

“Did I miss anything interesting at school or was it just as boring as ever?"

"That second one. People wanted to know where you were..."

"Mm," Kim hummed, doubtful that anyone but her ranger friends had actually noticed let alone cared.

Trini looked like she wanted to say something, but instead she just handed Kim her shirt.

The walk to the ship was quiet. Kim loved Trini but she wished that she would say something to fill the silence, take the reins of conversation and connection when Kim was having trouble finding the words. Kim knew from the way that Trini's face scrunched up and she was kicking at the rocks that Trini was trying to think of something to say and beating herself up for failing. It was nice that she was trying, at least.

Kim had never struggled with words the way that Trini did, but she was aware that for a while her words had been carbon copies of whatever she'd heard her friends say, or what she'd heard in movies or on tv. She'd molded herself to whatever she thought she needed to be. It resulted in popularity, but left Kim uncertain of who she actually was, all stripped down. 

At least Trini knew who she was. Metal tai chi and sarcasm and a "fight me!" attitude. She struggled with words because she didn't want to say something superficial or pointless.

Kim found the silence broken by yelling and saw the boys running towards them, Jason in the lead with a strangely thunderous expression on his face.

"Trini!" He snapped. 

Trini flinched and turned away from him. "Yeah?"

"What were you thinking??"

"What's going on?" Kim asked. 

"Little T tried to throw Amanda out a window," Zack supplied, not looking nearly as pissed as Jason or as bug eyed as Billy.

"I didn't try. I would have succeeded if I had tried."

"TRINI."

Kim had gone numb, her mind a muted jumble. She looked at Trini and said quietly, "Why?"

Trini looked startled at the question. "Why? Because she hurt you, that's why! She had it coming!"

"You shouldn't have gotten involved," Kim said, shaking her head.

Trini couldn't hide the wounded look that crossed her face. "She hurt you, Kim. I couldn't just let her get away with that!"

“You know the rules about being a Ranger! We don’t escalate fights, ever!” Jason fumed.

“I _didn’t_ ,” Trini insisted, glaring at Jason. “She beat up Kim so bad she coulda broke her hand!”

“ _Hanging a person out a window_ is sure as shit escalation!”

“Guys, guys stop!” Billy pleaded, getting between Trini and Jason. Zack was hanging back and when Kim looked at him he just winked at her. Clearly he wasn’t too bothered by the whole thing, which irked Kim. Trini could have gotten in some serious trouble. She could have gotten expelled, or exposed them as the Power Rangers, and for what? For Kim? For something that she probably had coming? It was stupid, it was reckless, and Kim was furious with Trini for taking that risk. Especially for someone like her.

Trini huffed and puffed but didn’t blow Billy down and Jason crossed his arms over his chest and glared at Trini over Billy’s shoulder. Billy relaxed a little, clearly relieved his friends weren’t about to murder each other, and said, “Let’s talk to Zordon, maybe we can get some clarification.”

 “Are you crazy?”

“That’s a bad idea.”

Trini and Jason both spoke at the same time, glaring at each other when they realized they were essentially agreeing. Zack laughed out loud but Kim felt dread at the suggestion.

“Relax. Not saying I agree with Billy, but what’s the worst Wall Dad can do?” Zack asked.

“Take away her powers,” Kim murmured.

Her friends looked at her.

Zack raised an eyebrow. “Nah, see, that’d be a dumb play on his part. Trini is a _natural_ at this Ranger gig. Zordon might not always think we’re the shit, but he _knows_ we’re the Rangers. He wouldn’t take away her powers. Hell, like he _could_. She’s Trini.”

“I’ve… read about Rangers being stripped of their powers before, in the archives, but that was a long time ago, and there were more Rangers then. As far as Zordon is aware, it’s just us. It would be a bad idea to take away any of our powers when we’re the sole defense against Rita obliterating the universe,” Billy said, his thumb and forefinger on his chin as he thought. He looked anxious, like he wasn’t entirely sure he was right.

“If Zordon could take away Ranger powers he’d have done it to Rita millions of years ago,” Trini argued. 

Jason and Kim remained unconvinced.

“It would be a good idea to get some more information on what constitutes an escalation of a fight, you know. I’ve always wondered, but I was afraid it was a dumb question so I never asked,” Billy said. 

Jason shook his head and looked at Trini. The anger had faded some to reveal the fear there in his eyes. “You threatened a person without any powers, Trini. She had no possible way of fighting you fairly. Zordon may respect us, but that’s not something he can just overlook.”

“Zordon can kiss my ass,” Trini grumbled.

Jason’s anger may have dissipated some but Kim’s was only growing. She was frustrated with Trini and even more pissed off that her actions were threatening their group, that Trini could be losing her powers when _she_ was the one who deserved to be stripped of them, not Trini.

She marched a few feet away and punched the rockface nearby with her injured hand as hard as she could. Dirt and stone went flying and Kim clenched her teeth as hard as she could as her hand exploded with pain.

“Kim!” Trini ran over and pulled Kim’s injured hand towards her chest. “Why the fuck did you do that?" 

“Seems like a lot of people are making stupid decisions today.”

Trini’s eyes shot up from where she’d been examining Kim’s hand, her lips parted in shock. She looked as if she’d been slapped by Kim’s words and Kim hated herself, but she just glared at the cliff she’d just punched instead of at Trini.

The boys were watching them. Even Zack looked a little upset now. He kicked at some of the debris that had flow his way. “I don’t care either way, cuz I know that Zordon can’t take away Trini’s powers, but if the majority vote is not to tell him, I won’t.”

Jason nodded curtly, then all eyes were on Billy. He looked at them like a deer in headlights. “I-I can’t- I can’t lie. I mean I can, it’s not out of the realm of my capabilities, but I won’t be convincing, heck I don’t even know if I can keep it to myself even if it never comes up why Kim’s knuckles are suddenly bleeding and we’re all acting awkward and freaked out and I just don’t think this is a good idea to try to keep this from-“

“Okay, we get it Billy,” Trini sighed. She cast one last hurt look at Kim, then turned to Jason. “I’m down for telling Zordon. I’m not ashamed of what I did, and if it means Billy stops havin’ a gooddamn brain aneurism then that’s good too.”

“…Fine. Despite your sheer idiocy, we’re behind you, Trini.”

.

“ _Disciplinary action_?!”

Trini was seething, her hands fisted at her side and her eyes like lasers as she glared at Zordon.

“You broke the rules, this is the least of what I wish to do!” Zordon snarled back, as angry as Kim had ever seen him.

“I didn’t escalate any goddamn motherfucking fight! They started it!” Trini shot back. The other Rangers were clustered behind her and Alpha was pacing anxiously off to the side, muttering “ay yai yai” ever few seconds.

“You are a RANGER. Your duty is to protect, to be better than this!”

“Well I guess I’m not fucking better than this!" 

“ENOUGH!”

Trini shut her mouth and flinched away as the entire wall pulsated with fury. Instinctually, the other four rangers moved closer to Trini, ready to fight for her in a heartbeat.

Zordon almost vanished into the wall as he pulled back, muttering under his breath. “It’s honestly a miracle the coin hasn’t rejected you for this.”

“Maybe my coin knows me better than you do,” Trini grumbled, crossing her arms.

“Yellow has always gone for the more feisty ones. Always a flaw, as I saw it,” Zordon said, almost to no one in particular.

“Uh… what?” Zack asked as the other Rangers exchanged looks.

“Yellow. The yellow power coin,” Zordon said slowly as if they hadn’t heard him. “Always more loose and free with the rules, almost as bad as black." 

“You’re talking about the coins as if they’re alive,” Jason said.

“Yes. They are.”

Simultaneously all five rangers reached for their coins and pulled them out to look at them. The five coins hummed with energy, winking their colors at them. Sure, they had known the coins chose them. But none of them had ever thought of them as alive. Not in the way that Zordon was implying.

Kim stared at her pink coin, pulsing just the same as all the others. Instinctually Kim reached for her suit, but still nothing happened. She frowned. 

“Has pink?”

“Excuse me, Kimberly?” Zordon asked.

“Has pink? I mean, has pink been loose and free with the rules?” 

Zordon looked as curious as a wall could look as he stared at her. “… not historically, no. Why do you ask?”

“… no reason.”

Trini shifted towards Kim, but Kim was still mad at her so she didn’t acknowledge it.

Zordon seemed to peer at her more closely, before saying, “Pink has always gone for more… what’s the human word for it…”

“Sassy?” Alpha supplied.

“Mmm. That’s about right. But pink has never shown the same inclination towards rowdiness as yellow and black.”

“Hold up, are you saying the coins go for similar personalities every time?” Billy demanded, looking thoroughly spooked.

“In a sense,” Alpha said with a shrug. “Not exact copies, Master Billy. But for the Ranger teams to work, the coins have to be discerning. There always has to be a Red Ranger, a leader, which calls for certain personality traits. Over the millennia, the coins have become partial to certain types of people, though that can also take different shapes and forms.”

“So… even if I had held onto say, the black coin, it would not have chosen me?” Billy elaborated.

“You would never have held onto the black coin, Master Billy, because it was never yours.”

"So what's T gotta do? Community service?" Zack asked, bringing the conversation back around to Trini's punishment. Of all the Rangers, Zack seemed least interested in the whys and hows of the coins, probably because he was one of the most snug in his Ranger skin, most comfortable with the responsibility and the honor. Zack felt his Ranger destiny was natural, and it had never chafed him or caused doubt.

Kim was mildly disappointed when the conversation shifted but she was curious about what "disciplinary action" meant, too.

"For the next two weeks, Trini will be joining Alpha for lessons on the history of the Rangers. She will come straight here after school and work with Alpha in lieu of training. As such, I will be overseeing your training in the Pit until then."

Everyone groaned. The punishment extended to all the Rangers, in a way, because Zordon was a taskmaster and would grill them again and again, whereas Alpha was much more creative in his training technique. Zordon trained them when he thought they were becoming too lax or complacent, which was at least once a month. None of them looked forward to it, and now they had two weeks of Zordon.

As for Trini, she had that thunderous look on her face that she got whenever she was feeling like she was being purposefully ignored or messed with. Learning about tons of Rangers was definitely not at the top of her list. Of all the Rangers only Billy had done any extensive digging through the archives, and even he had never been held hostage in a lesson.

Kim didn't know whether to be happy that Trini was getting off so easy or still be pissed at her.

Suddenly Zack was at Kim's elbow, and when she raised an eyebrow at him he grinned at her and said, "We all get a little crazy sometimes when we really care about people. I mean I threw a bunch of pieces of paper into Rebecca Sutter's hair today."

Kim couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled up out of her chest. "You did?"

"Oh absolutely. A mosaic of paper shreds."

Kim smiled at Zack, but her smile faded as she looked at Trini, who was getting a rundown on Alpha's "syllabus" with a distinctly dejected look in her eye. "But you didn't hang anyone out a window."

"No," Zack agreed. "But that's a little different. You don't have the same relationship with me you do with T."

It seemed like an odd statement, they were all best friends and Rangers. Then again, out of all the Rangers, Kim did tend to be closest to Trini, in part because they were the girls on the team and could roll their eyes when the boys were doing their bro things. It wasn't that big a difference though, not enough that paper flicking vs window dangling made any sense to Kim.

"She shouldn't have done it."

Zack shrugged and said, "Maybe not. But you cold shouldering her when she was so freaked out for you she nearly punted a kid out a window ain't making things better, FYI."

Kim huffed, but her eyes traveled back to Trini, who was looking more and more resigned to her fate. Or as resigned as a person like Trini could get, all pouts and glares. When she noticed Kim looking she looked away quickly, scowling at the floor. 

It made Kim's anger ebb.

Kim had always known Trini would _die_ for her, but she'd never really thought about the fact that Trini might _fight_ for her. There was a difference there, but Kim couldn't quite put her finger on what.

Billy called Alpha over to ask him a question and Kim took the opportunity to walk over to Trini, who avoided her gaze for a few seconds before she seemed to be unable to help it, looking up at Kimberly warily. “What?”

“… Thanks. For caring.”

Trini’s wary look melted away, replaced with confusion and uncertainty. “… duh,” she grumbled.

Kim chuckled and elbowed Trini gently. “Have fun with those lessons.”

Trini groaned. “If only he’d decided to take away my Ranger powers instead." 

“If he had there would be less midgets running around trying to exact street justice.”

Trini’s surprised smile lit up the room. “Who you calling a midget, you’re just freakishly tall.”

“Oh-ho and you’re definitely in denial.”

“Shut up!”

The two girls laughed, not noticing the fact that the three boys were watching from the other side of the room. Zack and Jason were grinning ear to ear and Billy was animatedly trying to keep Alpha from trying to go back to Trini so the girls could keep joking around.


	4. Chapter 4

When Kim woke up the next morning her hand still hurt, though the scabs that had resulted from her punching the cliff face were just small little scars now. She checked the mirror and her bruises were almost all faded away, yellowed and mottled around her eyes and mouth and gone elsewhere. When she put on makeup they disappeared and she looked deceptively normal. She still felt like crap, but being able to look in the mirror and see her own unmarred face helped a great deal. It could let her believe that nothing had changed from just a few days before. Amanda and the cheerleaders had never attacked her. She could still morph, she just wasn’t trying because she didn’t feel like it. Everything was fine.

Until she got to school and saw Ellen Thomas, one of the cheerleaders who had chased her down, as soon as she stepped in the front doors of the school. Her entire body had seized up in terror, lungs constricting, heart beating fast, and she’d nearly run out of the school, but her fear had frozen her in place.

Then an arm looped through hers and Kim’s whipped around. Jason was standing at her side, smiling down at her. "Figured you could use a hand."

Kim didn't say anything, just gave a nod.

Trini appeared moments later, putting her tiny self in between Kim and Ellen and glaring daggers at the cheerleader. Ellen hadn't event noticed Kim yet, so the display of protectiveness was pretty comical, but Kim appreciated it nonetheless.

When Ellen did finally notice Kim, a look resembling horror crossed her face. 

Kim didn't have time to dwell on what that might mean because there was suddenly a yelling coming from down the hall. Kids looked around in confusion, trying to find the source, when who but Zack came tearing around a corner with a rope in his hand, pulling along a skateboard at top speed, Billy holding onto it for dear life. The student body burst into laughs and cheers as Billy continued to hold on for seconds before the skateboard slammed into a locker and Billy went flying. Billy was wearing a helmet and pads so it was clearly something planned, but Kim had no idea why. Zack was laughing his head off as Billy dusted himself off, and three teachers came running to see what the commotion was all about.

Jason had a hand over his eyes, clearly exasperated, but Trini and Kim were laughing along with most of the school.

Billy and Zack were both given detention for the next week for their antics, but neither seemed overly upset. As soon as they had a spare second, Billy ran up to Kim, all smiles. "Did it work?"

"Did what work?" Kim asked, confused as Zack groaned and shook his head.

"Zack said you might be feeling awkward and unhappy when you got back to school and it would be good if there was something else for people to focus on, so he asked if I'd help him create a big distraction."

Kim's felt her heart expand, and without thinking she pulled Billy into a hug. She let go quickly and said, "Sorry, I should have asked."

Billy was looking sheepish, and he nodded at her.

"So it was your idea?" Kim asked Zack.

"Wasn't really gonna tell you, but yeah."

Kim hugged Zack tightly. "Thank you. It was ridiculous, but thanks."

"You didn't tell me you were going to do this stupid plan," Trini grumbled at Zack.

Zack grinned and grabbed the helmet from Billy's hands. "If you want to do it we can definitely have you riding the skateboard."

"Buzz off."

Zack made a big show of trying to put the helmet on Trini, who growled and dodged all the way down the hallway. Kim walked with Jason and Billy and felt at ease.

But then of course they had to split up for class and the dread returned. Kim shared very few classes with her friends. Biology with Trini, social studies with Billy, and a handful of classes with Jason. Mornings she started with English and she shared this with none of them. Unfortunately a few cheerleaders had the class with her. They'd tried their best at the beginning of the semester to sit by each other and have classes together. Her classes since the fallout had been mostly less than fun. She spent the entire first period ignoring the titters of her former teammates. Only one of them had been there the day she'd been attacked, but word of mouth was strong in the cheerleaders, so she knew that every single cheerleader knew what had happened by now.

By the end of first period she was sweating.

Between periods she ran to the bathroom, and when the bell rang she just stayed in her stall. The stragglers petered out until she was alone. Taking some deep breaths to calm herself, she was just starting to get up from her seat on the toilet when she heard the door open again and feet walk into the bathroom. Kim immediately sat back down.

There was an immediate chattering of voices. She didn't recognize them. They were talking about Algebra so Kim was pretty sure they were younger than her. Kim took some deep breaths. It was okay, everything was fine. 

"Oh wait, did you hear about Kimberly Hart?"

Kim froze. 

"No? What about her?"

"She got her ass beat by the cheerleaders!"

"What?? No way."

"Yes way. I heard from Jessica who heard from her big sister, she's a cheerleader."

Kim felt like the world was spinning around her. The cheerleaders had been telling people?

"No, I mean like, no way because I saw her this morning and she didn't have a mark on her. She looked just as perfect as always."

"That can't be right... Jessica said she was black and blue by the time they let her go."

"Which is why it's probably not true."

"Why would they lie? Just to humiliate her? It's not like she's doing much with her life right now, no need to go after her." 

Kim planted her feet more firmly on the ground. They wanted people to know that they hadn't let her get away with it. That they'd torn her down. Well, she wasn't gonna fucking let them get the last word.

She stood up and swung her stall door open. The two girls spun around in shock and immediately looked as if the floor had dropped out from under them.

Kim washed her hands and walked out. She managed to keep her hands from shaking while she did. She left without a word to either of them, but as soon as she was out of the room she was sprinting down the hall, desperate to get somewhere private to let the adrenaline wear off.

She was determined not to let them see her cry, but that didn't mean her body wasn't gonna try to do it anyway.

Kim slipped out the back of the school and sat down on the grass hidden behind a staircase. For a few minutes she hiccuped and cried, the fight or flight reflexes triggered that morning crashing down on her in waves.

When she could finally breath normally she lay back on the grass and stared at the sky and the upside down brick facade of Angel Grove High. What had she ever thought was so important about being popular at this small little school? Her world was so much bigger now. Protecting the universe big, in fact. 

So why did high school politics still get to her? 

Maybe it wasn't the politics of it, but more the fact that now the whole school knew that she'd done something worth being beat up over. How many of the student body had put together that there had been zero naked pictures of Amanda Clark floating around before she was kicked out of the cheerleaders and one floating around after? How many people had figured out that Kimberly Hart was the _meanest_ person at Angel Grove High?

Even one person figuring that out filled Kim with an insurmountable mountain of shame.

“Hey there stranger.”

Kim looked towards the stairs. Jason was hanging over the side, giving her a we-can-do-this Jason smile. He vaulted over the railing and landed beside her. “You weren't in Calc.” 

“And you got worried,” Kim finished his unsaid statement, shaking her head. Jason, ever the dad of the team. He was their leader, sure, but a lot of times in battle he let them do whatever they thought needed doing, not barking orders like some drill sergeant. Outside of battle is where his leader qualities kicked into overdrive, always circling, always making sure everyone was doing a-okay.

Jason grinned. “It's what I do best.”

“Mhmm.” 

Jason plopped down next to Kim. “So what happened?”

The easy smile that had grown on Kim's face upon seeing Jason faded just as fast, and her lips pulled to the side as she tried to keep herself in check. A crazy urge to say “not tonight, skip me” overcame her as vulnerability made her picture flames and smell campfire smoke. “Just school,” she said instead. 

“Can be a doozy.”

“Harder than saving the world.”

Jason chuckled, and she knew he got it. Life wasn't peaches and cream for the boy who had wrecked his knee and blown the entire school’s football season. People weren't as outwardly hostile to him as the cheerleaders were to Kim, but for Jason it was a whole school, a whole town, giving him cold, frustrated looks. Angel Grove was small and didn't have a whole lot going for it: a winning football season was just about its biggest glory. Jason didn't have people beating him up and trying to break his hand, but he had a town ostracizing him.

Kim felt guilty that she even stressed about her own situation when Jason's seemed much more daunting. If she was in his shoes, she wouldn't have been able to handle it. She'd have bailed long ago.

“So are you planning on staying here all day?”

“Just needed a breather.” _And to not hyperventilate in the school building._

“Wanna come in with me now?”

Kim hesitated. “… maybe give me a few more minutes.”

Jason nodded and the two of them lay in the grass, wondering how such a small shit town could bring them so much misery.

.

Trini was crackling with energy by the time Kim showed up in Bio. Kim could feel it through the grid, it was that powerful. Trini walked up to Kim, looked her up and down, and asked briskly, “You okay?”

“Yeah, I'm fine.”

Kim wasn't fine. She had Bio with Trini, but she also had Bio with Amanda, Rebecca, Sarah and Stacey. The teacher hadn't agreed to any seat rearranging so Kim and Trini sat far apart from each other. Sarah and Stacey were on the other side of the room luckily, but Amanda was cattycorner to Kim and Rebecca sat on her right.

Kim's right hand throbbed.

Trini scrutinized Kim silently and Kim could see the frustration and anger roaring just below the surface. Trini was livid she couldn't do more, separate Kim from the others. Finally she shook her head. “Fuck it,” she growled, and grabbed Kim's left hand and pulled her back toward Trini’s desk.

“Move,” Trini ordered the boy who normally sat next to her.

“Trini, you don't have to-“ Kim tried.

“You heard me,” Trini said to the boy, ignoring Kim's protest.

“U-uh… this is my seat,” the boy stammered.

“Not today,” Trini said.

Kim offered the boy a sympathetic shrug. As much as she hated the idea of people going out of their way to help her with this, she also was desperate to get away from Amanda and Rebecca.

The boy moved up to her normal seat and Kim sat down, giving Trini the most grateful look she could muster.

Two minutes later the cheerleaders walked in.

Kim's heart beat a rhythm in her throat so loud it pounded in her ears. Amanda and Rebecca were whispering to one another and as soon as they saw her they froze.

Amanda's entire face paled, her eyes locked with Kim’s. Rebecca said something but Amanda didn't even flinch. Kim did, though, because as soon as she heard Rebecca's voice her hand felt like it was on fire. She remembered pleading with Rebecca to let her up, Rebecca's knee grinding into her palm. The pain and fear of Amanda leaning over her, taunting her. Helpless as Amanda punched her again and again.

Kim’s hands started to shake, the back of her neck and head heating up and her heart thundering away in her chest.

Trini was saying something to her, she could hear it, but she had no idea what it was.

Amanda broke the eye contact first, eyes downcast and a frown on her face. Rebecca glared at Kim before sitting down, too.

Kim bit her lip hard. She wanted nothing more than to bolt from the classroom, all the way out of the school, all the way to the mine and the cave and the ship. Safety.

“Kim,” Trini said, and her voice broke through because it was so firm. Kim looked at her. 

“I won't let them near you.”

The fierce look on Trini’s face made Kim smile without even thinking about it. Trini was the smallest of them by almost a head, but she was arguably the feistiest. She'd tried to take on Rita solo when the evil bitch had attacked her in her own room. Trini was slow to trust and let people in, but those that she did she’d do anything for. Kim had no doubt that if Trini thought it would help she'd stand up and fight the cheerleaders then and there, with words and with fists.

Trini seemed to be waiting for a cue from Kim. Kim said, “I know you won't.” Trini’s protective intensity seemed to ease up a bit and Kim joked, “You’re the toughest little chickadee out there, Trin.”

Trini rolled her eyes and puffed out her cheeks in faux indignation, but it was clear to Kim that Trini was glad that Kim felt safe enough to joke at all.

Biology was tough, but with Trini by her side it didn't drag on as much as Kim had feared. Soon the bell was ringing and Amanda was out of her seat like a shot, the other cheerleaders following in her wake.

Trini walked Kim to her next class. Kim grinned at Trini and teased, “Next time I'll ask you to carry my books, too.”

Trini turned bright red and mumbled, “Yeah right,” before giving Kim a wave and disappearing quickly around a corner.

Kim shook her head, bemused by the ever enigmatic Trini, and went into her next class feeling almost content.


	5. Chapter 5

Billy and Zack had landed detention due to their antics in the morning, so it was just Jason, Kim, and Trini heading straight to the mine from school. The other two would catch up in an hour. Trini emerged from the school building with a thundercloud hanging over her head, the dreaded lessons with Alpha looming in her near future. Kim felt sorry for Trini. Trini actually liked to train, a lot, and she'd be missing out on work outs and sparring for weeks.

Jason waved to the girls as he headed for his truck. Kim had driven to school and most times that happened Trini rode with Kim instead of with Jason. Jason's truck was great and usually the choice when all five of them needed a ride together, but there were plenty of days where Kim was happy not to ride in the bouncy bed of a pickup. The ability to have some space from the boys and their boy-ness was always good, too.

Trini didn't try for small talk and today Kim was glad. Trini rolled down the window of the car and put her elbow out the window, her little grey beanie flapping away in the wind. Kim smiled to see it. Trini so rarely let her guard down, looked unguarded, but it was happening more and more and it filled Kim with a satisfaction that she could only describe as jubilation. Trini, finally, had a home.

They made it up to the mine in good time, but as soon as they parked Trini started to drag her feet, the content look fading into a not-unfamiliar Trini frown. Alpha greeted them at the door of the ship and Kim got one last look at her as she turned back to Kim with “save me” eyes. Kim waved sympathetically.

Kim met Jason in the pit. He was stretching out and Kim joined him in some lunges and step ups using rocks around the training area.

“Rangers. Where are Billy and Zack?” Zordon’s booming voice questioned.

“They stayed back at school. They'll be an hour late,” Jason said, neglecting to explain the circumstances necessitating them to stay behind. Kim reached out quickly to give his arm a squeeze. Jason was their leader and he looked after his team, even protecting them from their mentor when he knew it would be for the best. Zordon wouldn't understand that Billy and Zack had purposefully done something that would get them in trouble just to help out Kim. Jason knew that Billy and Zack were taking care of their teammate, and to him, that was what was important.

“I see,” Zordon said woodenly, clearly sensing there was more to the story. “Until they arrive, I’m going to run you two through some drills. Please stand in a line.”

Zordon’s voice was hard and relentless and he did not stop for even an instant until Billy and Zack arrived. Jason and Kim were shiny with sweat, sore but thus far in a good way, the kind of way your body aches after a good workout.

“Ah, so happy you could join us,” Zordon drawled sarcastically. In the pit, Zordon was a faceless voice coming from all around them, so when Billy looked ashamed he aimed his look up into the air. Zack just grinned, winking at Kim. Kim smiled back at him.

“Suit up. It's time for simulation training.” 

There was an awkward pause. They hadn't done any physical training the day before, busy with the Trini situation, so they hadn't encountered this problem. 

“I-“ Kim started before closing her mouth, shame burning her ears.

“Zordon, Kim hadn't been able to morph,” Jason said. Kim cast a look his way. She hadn't said as much out loud, but she wasn't surprised they knew. Kim wasn't positive but a part of her was sure that they'd feel it when she morphed again.

“What, still?” Zordon demanded, frustration evident in his voice. Kim took a deep breath, trying not to hear accusation.

“It's not her fault, aren't you supposed to know everything there is to know about Power Rangers or something? You should be helping her,” Zack said, his eyes dark and blazing. Kim was shocked how angry Zack seemed on her behalf. He seemed truly furious that Zordon was judging her, even if by her estimation Zordon's annoyance wasn't undeserved.

“Kim doesn't know what she should be doing to try to get it back, no one has told her,” Jason added. 

“Of course I've told her, I've told all of you. You open yourself to the grid, to each other.”

Kim looked down. Maybe it really was that simple, though. Kim had closed herself off before, and it had prevented them all from morphing their first time. Now it was just preventing her.

The trouble wasn't knowing what she was supposed to do. The trouble was doing it. She didn't know how to open up, how to let them in when all she wanted was to hide from everyone, even the people she trusted most in the universe.

“This is inconvenient, but I suppose it can't be helped. And since this is a possibility I never anticipated, perhaps it will be good practice for if this happens again. Jason, Zack, Billy, suit up. I'd like for you to spar with Kimberly.”

Every face was turned up towards Zordon with varying degrees of confusion. “What, without her armor?”

“If there's a very real possibility that any of you can lose access to your armor, you should be prepared to fight opponents that outclass you in every way.”

“Um, Zordon, we already did that. When we trained without armor before. We know how to fight without armor.”

“You fought simulations, artificial intelligence that can punch. It does not have the nuances of a true fight. Or do you forget that you were beaten by Rita, all five of you, even after training those simulations?”

“I didn't,” Billy said. “I definitely didn't.”

“I think it was rhetorical, Billy,” Jason said. Zack was still glaring at the air, and Kim was looking at the ground.

“Okay, we can do that.”

The boys all turned to look at Kim. She gave a small shrug. “We can spar like that.” 

“Kim, we’re not gonna torture you. That would hurt like hell.”

“It's my fault I can't morph. If this keeps happening, I should know how to deal, right?” Kim gave Jason a tight smile.

“Nah, this is dumb as fuck,” Zack snapped. “If you aren't gonna train us, Zordon, and you're gonna keep being mad at Kim for this, I'm out.” Zack started towards the exit. “Call me when you're not being an asshole.”

“ZACK!” Zordon boomed, but Zack was gone.

Billy looked conflicted, wringing his hands and swaying side to side as he looked at Kim and Jason. Kim and Jason stared at each other.

“I'm not gonna help you punish yourself, Kim,” Jason said, his voice steely and calm.

“Don't be dramatic. That's not what this is. I don't have armor, I still gotta fight. I still have to protect this town, and you guys. I’d rather be black and blue for days and know what to do than risk letting you down.”

“You're gonna get your suit back, this is just some weird glitch,” Billy protested.

“There is no glitch, Billy,” Zordon said. “This is Kim’s doing, however unintentional.”

“That seems like a big flipping flaw in the system!” Jason yelled.

“Your power comes from your connection to one another, and that is the simplest truth of it,” Zordon snapped. “If Kim is closing herself off she is severing her ties to the grid, and that is not the fault of the grid!”

“You make it sound like opening yourself up to people is so simple,” Kim said quietly.

“Of course it's not,” Zordon said, the anger fading from his voice a little. “It's very hard, but it's what you have to do to be your best. To your team, you are a link in a chain. You can depend on them, and when you do is when you are a Ranger.”

Zordon agreeing with her made her feel more guilt, because while he was agreeing he was also explaining how to BE a ranger, something she wasn't doing so well right now.

“I'll just do a bunch of dodging. How about that? It'll be good to practice dodging in my civilian form if I can't morph in front of a bunch of people and Putties come after me.”

Billy looked at Jason, who was considering. Finally he said, “Fine, but you let us know the second it's too much.”

Kim nodded.

Zordon didn't protest and the boys suited up. Kim dropped into a fighting stance and Jason came at her.

The boys definitely pulled punches, but even so just being clipped by someone in Ranger armor was alarmingly painful. Putties were painful because their makeup made them rough, their forms scraping away at bare skin. But they were also porous, and a good punch made them crumble. Ranger armor, in contrast, was solid and powerful, reminding Kim vaguely of when they'd all been hit by a train. 

At one point acting on instinct Kim had punched out, landing a hit on Billy's chest. It felt like she'd punched a car door.

Kim wound up with more bruises than she'd expected, and when the boy's demorphed and realized they'd gotten her good a few times they were all apologies. Kim waved them off. She'd gotten some good practice for dodging attacks in. And the sting of her bruises felt kind of good, took her mind off things.

Jason hadn't been so wrong after all. Not the most pleasant of thoughts.

When the three of them entered the control room, Kimberly rubbing at a bruise on her cheek and Billy and Jason on either side of her looking guilty and protective, they found Trini and Zack sitting on the side of the grid and listening to Alpha drone on about whatever image was hovering in the grid nebula. Trini jumped to her feet and jogged over to them, worry on her face. “You okay?”

“You actually did it?” Zack asked incredulously as Kim reassured Trini she was fine.

“We were working on dodging, not sparring. But it still wasn't a good idea. We're not doing it again,” Jason said, giving Kim a pointed look.

“It seemed like a good idea at the time, when Kim said it would be practice for evading if we couldn't morph,” Billy said miserably. “We’d never hurt her on purpose.”

Trini's eyes were bright with anger as she turned to Kim. “You _tricked_ them into sparring with you?”

“Tricked not the word I'd go for-“

Trini reached up and poked the bruise forming on Kim's cheek. “Ow,” Kim whined, hoping her pout would be enough to make Trini back off.

No dice. “Your bruises are fading, you wanted more. So you made the boys do it for you? Kim, fuck, look how upset they are!”

Kim's blood had gone cold as soon as Trini had said the words “you wanted more”. Had Kim really manipulated her best friends into hurting her? Jason had seen right through her and now Trini had too, but she had talked herself into the falsehood that it had been for trainings sake.

Now Billy felt like crap and Jason felt like he'd failed her.

God, why was she such a bitch?

Trini's look was still angry, but her voice was quieter as she said, “Just talk to me.”

It was an echo of the day on the cliff, when they'd taken leaps of faith and found their way to a long buried space ship. When Kim had tried so hard to connect to Trini. And just like Trini that day, Kim couldn't bring herself to. 

Trini's face softened. Kim could tell she was still upset at her but at the same time the upset had quieted to a level that made Kim think Trini could forgive her for it. Trini held out her hand to Kim. “Come with me, kay?”

Kim nodded, putting her hand in Trini's. They said a brief goodbye to the boys and headed out.

Kim didn't know where Trini was taking her, she just let herself be pulled along. As they exited the ravine Trini let go of Kim's hand briefly so they could shake off the water, but as soon as she was done Trini grabbed Kim's hand again. Hand in hand they went down to the wall of obsidian glass that had held their power coins. 

The area had been set for demolition by the miners, but after the chaos their little escapade had caused which had resulted in destroyed equipment that they'd had to deal with and then the fact that the gold in the mine had for the most part up and walked away which was a whole other thing to deal with, the area had been left untouched.

It was the first place they'd all met. Become a team, a family.

Trini walked Kim to the glass. She looked at Kim. “I tried putting my coin back here first chance I got. Do you know what happened?”

Kim shook her head.

Trini pulled out her power coin. She put it down in the fragments of glass and rock still scattered around the ground. She took a few steps back. Her coin hummed, vibrated, and disappeared. Blink, and it was gone.

Kim turned to Trini. Trini, with a knowing look, reached into her pocket. She pulled out her coin, nestled neatly in the palm of her hand. “Did that the first few times. Then when it got particularly pissed at me, instead of just appearing in my pocket it flew at my head. It's mine. And I guess in a weird way I belong to it, too.”

Trini put her coin back in her pocket. She jerked her head at the rubble. “Now you try." 

“…what?”

“You don't think you deserve to be one of us because Rangers are supposed to be warriors for good. So leave the coin. If it bounces back to you, you'll know that the coin believes in you, and maybe you'll start believing that we believe in you, too. If it stays… I guess it'll wait for a new Pink Ranger.”

Kim felt the weight of her coin in her pocket. She reached to grab it, and stopped. “I don't want to.”

Trini tilted her head, waiting for more.

Kim looked down, tears pricking her eyes. “I don't want it to leave me. I want to be one of you.”

“Then talk to us, Kim. Show us the parts of you that you're ashamed of. Because there's nothing you could say about what happened with Amanda that will make you unforgivable to us, Kim.”

Kim's throat closed up with emotion. She didn't believe that, she couldn't, because she hated herself _so much_ , it seemed inconceivable that they would continue to like her.

She looked down. “… I didn't feel bad about it until I saw her Dad's face. How did I not feel bad? How did I never even apologize to her until she had to beat an apology out of me? What kind of person does that make me?”

Suddenly Kim's eyes were swimming in tears, and they started to fall hard and fast. “I did it. I sent that picture to Ty. And I didn't feel bad until I was confronted with it, and didn't apologize because a part of me thought Amanda didn't deserve an apology, first because she's the one who sent it to me so why should I be blamed for it getting out, then because she was bullying me, so many excuses so that I could still pretend that somehow I was the victim in this. She- she bullied me bad, and on a level I don't think I deserved to be told to kill myself, but the part of me that believed I should kill myself grew and grew until it could have swallowed me. Almost did.” Kim's breath was coming in hitches now. Her heart felt like it was going to beat out of her chest, her hand throbbing with the time of the beat. “I'm scared because I wanted to die, and I meant it, and I don't want to feel that way again and I don't want you to feel that through the grid and let it infect you.” Kim's eyes widened. She hadn't known that was a fear of hers, not exactly. She was afraid that her hatred of herself would spread to her friends and bring them down.

Suddenly Trini was grabbing Kim, holding her tight, and Kim wrapped her arm around Trini without even thinking about it, burying her face into Trini's shoulder even though it meant bending over a little. Kim let herself cry. She was so afraid of what the effect of her presence could be on the Rangers. She didn't want to hurt them, too.

They stood their for a while, until Kim's sobs ebbed. When she pulled back she smiled at Trini, who gave her a gentle and understanding smile back. Kim pulled her arms back.

Her right hand still throbbed, and was covered up to the elbow in pink armor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter. I tried to make Jason and Billy sparring with Kim without armor make as much sense as possible, because they'd never ever hurt Kim. But I really like the ending scene.


End file.
